SAFE-BET CHRISTMAS GIFTS FOR THE AVERAGE MIDDLE-AGED DUDE
Buying for kids is easy (toys) and women are reasonably easy to read gift-wise (because they’ll tell you), but middle-aged dudes can be tough to read. Of course, we’ll express gratitude for whatever is in the box, but you’re also likely to find that same box untouched six months later on the top shelf of the closet if it isn’t useful. So, to save you those moments of THINKING you nailed the gift then realizing months later that you missed the mark, here are a few things I absolutely cherish that your average-guy man might actually appreciate. When you boil it down, dudes like comfort and a few simple pleasures. So let’s break them down by body part:
FEET: A good pair of boots
There are plenty of boot manufacturers out there, but the great ones celebrate our manly desire to conserve energy. That’s why I love my Keen Chelsea 59s. They remind me of the chukka boots I wore in the Navy: easy to slip on and kick off (why lace and tie when you don’t have to?), tough as hell and they go with most clothing I put on my lower legs (i.e., jeans). They’re water resistant, polish up easily and warm enough for a Texas winter. Plus, they’re fashion-forward, says my wife.
BUTT: A comfortable chair
When your man spent Saturday doing yard work because his favorite football team college fell apart and even HE’s tired of hearing himself gripe at the TV, he will be more likely to finish strong if he knows there is a reward hanging out there: an evening lounging on a portable, foldable throne of sorts that is clearly Dad’s Chair. Parked by the fire pit (or your camper should your family be more outdoorsy), this KingCamp masterpiece not only has a foldaway insulated snack cooler and a combo tray & drink holder, it can accommodate up to 330lbs so he won’t flip out when the kids decide to climb in his lap at marshmallow roasting time.
HANDS: a quality knife
You can’t go wrong with a Gerber multi-tool, but this SOG Field Pup knife is my absolute favorite. It holds an edge even after sawing through hide and bone (I’m talking deer hunting here, not a Dexter episode), fits perfectly in one’s hand and the handle doesn’t get slippery even when coated in deer blood (or pig or whatever other game animal your man might be hunting). Sure, that’s gross to think about, but it is what it is (and who wants a severed flexor pollicis longus tendon?). And, here’s the capper: as a fixed-blade knife, it is carried in a belt sheath which, secretly, makes a man feel more manly than a locking blade knife in one’s pocket. You can’t exactly wear it out in town, but it’s a confidence builder for someone out tromping in the woods with his family.
TASTE BUDS: A set of rocks glasses
Once a guy sails past 50 (or 40 or even 30…) it feels anticlimactic to finish a challenging day with a beer. There is something about that sensation of a quality whiskey hitting one’s tongue, belly and brain that says “great job, buddy, you done good,” that an orange whip will never match. Because no one should drink alone, be sure to buy a least two of these Yeti Lowballs. Then buy him something nice to drink from it, like a bottle from the good people at Barrell or my fave of faves, Michter’s American Whiskey.
LUNGS: Proper cigar accoutrement
Here’s the deal: your guy is likely to be peer pressured into smoking a cigar at some time or another. It’s the modern day equivalent of kids behind the barn daring each other to smoke corn silk or ding-dong-ditching the mean old man who lives three doors over. So, when he acquiesces, he can either look like a rank amateur, biting the tip off the cigar and trying to light it with a kitchen match, OR he can have a little dignity with a proper cigar cutter and a torch. Although I smoke cigars about as often as the Texas Legislature meets (every other year for you non-Texans), I keep a cutter & torch handy so my he-man (and cancer flirting) buddies (looking at you, Tray Pruet) don’t judge me.
At the end of the day, the man in your life will be happy to get whatever gift you wrap for him, but well-made tools designed to enhance life’s simple pleasures will let him know you get him.
